I had always been someone who could not look at work being ‘suffered’ at my end. If I saw something that was going wrong, I would get onto it, correct it ‘my way’ and then let it go – even if it meant sacrificing my sleep, food, time & much more. With this, the responsibilities increased. I never thought it was bothersome as I loved doing my job. I never said a ‘no’ because for me saying that meant I couldn’t do something – and that was not acceptable.
The people around me were super supportive and wanted me to achieve all my ‘goals’ and ‘dreams’. Little did they know that I was, with each passing day, falling into the trap of focusing all my energies on my work. While my health, relationships, and hobbies were struggling to keep up with my pace, my work won the first position in the race of ‘priority’.
Should I do this? But what about the other work? When is the deadline? But isn’t this more important? I should focus on the other. But that’ll take too long. Let me start from where? Caught in this constant cycle of question overload, I lost myself.
The lockdown time – my days started with my work and ended with it too. A nervous & mental breakdown, accompanied by much-needed ‘gyaan’ from people around me, and some scarring health reports later. I realized that it was time to pause. Pause to understand; to reflect; to determine; to care; to value; to love. My work had transitioned to become my life rather than a part of it.
It took that one big pause to realize that:
- Heavens will not fall if I take a break
- Resting isn’t a crime
- Dealing with my issues won’t make me weak
- Working a lot and challenging myself every time is not the ‘only’ way to succeed
- Balance is important
- Controlling my urge to work all time makes me anxious, and yes, it needs to be dealt with
- Pausing once in a while is important
- Struggle is not directly proportional to the satisfaction
- Work is a ‘part’ of my life and not my whole world