• If you are going through a situation where a perosn’s speech, gestures or touch are being offensive, it is useful to share it with someone, within or outside the working space or the space it has happened it.  It helps to vent out emotions. You may get another perspective on the event or how to deal with it.  However, don’t allow it to become all-encompassing in life or let it takeover your life and thus weaken you emotionally and physically to deal with the situation then or in future.

• It is prudent to try avoid or minimize engagement with the person who is seen as offensive. If possible, avoid being alone with that person or let a person you trust know that you are in that situation or with that person. It also puts the pressure on the perpetrator to not try anything for fear of being found out or caught.

• It is best to show displeasure or if possible to raise an alarm as soon as such a behavior occurs.  The chances of others intervening actively or the accusation being accepted is far higher.  It also decreases the chances of being exposed to such trauma for self or others in future.

• When a situation is happening and specially if there is active resistance, there might be threats or promises to reduce the tension. If one gives in, the chances of claiming such a thing occurred may be reduced.  It is difficult, specially if career or economic situation are at stake.  However, it is also easier to live without guilt based on how one faced that situation.

• If one is going through fear or anticipatory anxiety, it is important to have adequate sleep, eat regularly, have plenty of fluids and continue to look after oneself so that it is possible to deal with stress physically and emotionally.

• Deep, slow, rhythmic breathing is extremely useful and should be done as frequently as possible, throughout the day.  This breathing is to be done without pause between inhalation and exhalation and to be done in rhythm till one can reach about 8-10 breath cycles per minute.

• Alcohol, substances of abuse or medication without prescription must be avoided.  These can become habit forming during stressful periods.

• Avoid tobacco, coffee or colas as these precipitate anxiety and reduce the chances of proper, adequate sleep.

• Seek help professionally from a therapist or psychiatrist if the emotions are going on continuously or interfering with work, daily routine or health.

• It is necessary to remember that if someone did indulge in offensive behavior, you are not responsible for that.  However, you can choose to let go of the hurt and memories after having dealt with it as is required.

• Do seek help of law as is applicable which is a big deterrent for future behavior with you or someone else.

The volcanic eruptions of the MeToo movement have singed many who have been accused of sexual misconduct.  However, the lava burning inside someone who has been at the receiving end burns them over time emotionally in ways that can’t usually be imagined.

While most of the sexual assault/misconduct/harassment is seen as a violation of personal physical space or body, the actual implications are emotional in nature.  The act may happen once or even if frequently a few times, the amount of time it lasts is miniscule compared to the trauma one may go through then or later in life.  The assault when it happens at work, public places or safer zones like home can have unimaginable emotional consequences.

The implications of the emotional trauma are not only about a particular person or that work place but may leave a mark on relationships in general, the ability or desire to work and the feeling of living in a secure world and caring society.  The trauma may also sometimes go into the next generation with one’s daughter or son due to over cautiousness and anticipatory anxiety. The person may carry the scars to  the next job.  This atmosphere to say the least is so stifling to function.

The personal trauma experienced by anyone differs from person to person based on the personality, past experience, relationships within and outside the office, meaning of various kinds of touch, words or intonations which may also differ culturally.  Whatever is not comfortable is not acceptable. Unfortunately, the ability to say it or the other person being sensitized and empathic towards it may not happen which compounds the emotional trauma.

The structural hierarchy in any organization or power structure or gender ratio or gender inequality or economic realities or social support or social perception of reporting any unwanted behavior makes the issues around MeToo very complex. Whatever the situation, culturally acceptable norms exist and even in their absence or blurring in a fast changing society, whatever is personally not acceptable to someone is not to be done.

The trauma experienced is also complex as one may have mixed feelings towards the person who has crossed boundaries.  The victim who is feeling hurt or invaded may have respect towards the perpetrator in other areas of life and may have mixed feelings at least at that time.  This may make the trauma worse, specially in retrospect.  However, the first set of feelings would define for the victim what it is and if voiced early can reduce the chances of continuation or forcefulness of the behavior apart from mixed feelings or guilt for the victim.

The trauma of an invasion of personal space, physical touch, emotional abuse or gestures may be immediate, long term or relived trauma.  The trauma of the act has its own consequences.  It may also be dependent on how miserable you were made to feel apart from the act, were you thrown out of the job or otherwise coerced, were others aware of it and how did they react to it, how much pressure (job/promotion/holding back of assignments/being put in bad working conditions/public shame etc.) was put on you.  It is also linked to whether you were listened to or believed.

The immediate trauma is of shock, specially if you hold the perpetrator in high esteem.  It may be a feeling like a God Who Has Failed and not only failed but failed deliberately.  It immediately leads to fear and anticipatory anxiety for the next day at work. It may also cause guilt about may be having misinterpreted the event, specially when something subtle happened. These may be bunch of emotional reactions of relief if one does not have to come in contact with the person, fear of being alone with the person and anticipatory anxiety throughout while being in the same space.

These symptoms may reduce if there is a supportive person with empathy within the organization, friend or family.  It may reduce if either the perpetrator is shifted to another place or the contact is minimal.  It may also be reduced if it has happened only once and if the other person understands, apologies or changes the behavior.

However, if the same situation remains or is repeated in a random manner, the psychological trauma is much more.

Revati (name changed) was a young enthusiastic person, just out of college, wanting to learn and make a mark for herself.  She was offered an internship with the general manager of a company who was in his mid-forties.  There was a lot of scope to learn in the short period of one moth of internship and as the company was very reputed, she would go the extra mile to try and please by her work.

The boss was very nice but also used to work till late and within a week started asking her to stay back to discuss and learn.  He also slowly started commenting on her dress or her figure and now well she had maintained herself.  In the 3^rd week, he would come close to her while talking and sometimes touching her for no obvious reasons.  He was almost her father’s age and Revati had no reason to suspect anything till one day he mentioned that soon the internship would be over but he would like to keep in touch and help mold her career.  He also held her tightly which alarmed Revati.

Revati was very traumatized by the turn of the events and could not go for work the next day.  She discussed this with her mother who felt that may be he was just being encouraging or was focusing on her academic brightness.  Revati could not sleep well for two three night and in the last week of internship tried to maintain her distance, tried to sit where others were and also spend least time in his room when alone.  He tried again on one occasion to come close but Revati managed to get away.

The internship also got over soon.  However, the doubt about his behavior, guilt about not having been able to stop him, inability to anticipate such incidents, being scared of men in a closed situation and not be able to trust males of all ages continued for some time.  She met someone  little later who respected her for what she was, heard her experience and was able to impress upon her that it was not her fault and Revati has forgotten it as a nightmare and moved on.

The resolution of the incident by self or with the help of someone who is willing to spend time and energy to heal goes a long way in getting over the immediate trauma.  The incidents happen for a short time but if continuing in the mind and if new traumas get added, it can lead to long term psychosocial consequences of MeToo.

If the actual or perceived trauma of an event that has happened continues for some time, it may lead to or precipitate heightened anxiety with physical symptoms like giddiness, fast shallow breathing, pounding of heart, tremors of hands, restlessness, confusion and feeling as if one is having heart attack.  It may last for a few minutes or about an hour and then passes off but leaving the person emotionally and physically drained.  These panic attacks may happen in office space or even later on while thinking about it.  These can start as soon as an event has occurred or even after weeks or months.

The sense of foreboding and fear may give rise to ‘Startle Response’ which consists of ‘jumping out of skin’ on a loud noise or when being lost in one’s thoughts. It may happen due to being preoccupied with the event. There may also be ‘Dissociative Reactions’ when the emotions run very high and due to the inability to deal with them, the mind literally shuts down.  There may be a feeling of ‘Depersonalization’ (feeling unreal) where you may go through the normal functioning of life but are unable to feel the emotions because they are too traumatic.  These may be for short periods and only in the traumatic situation or it may be prolonged, out of proportion or continuing beyond the trauma.

The trauma as has occurred or perceived may solely preoccupy you at all times, including at work.  This may bring down the performance and the fear that the perpetrator or the organization may have ‘genuine’ reason to harm you.  It may also lead to sleeplessness and social withdrawal.  It may also lead to ideas of others talking about or acting against you. It may be dependent more on your previous personality or coping style.  Sometimes, severe stress can uncover previous mental illness or precipitate it.

If you are in the same office or situation or may have moved on to another place, you still may not be able to cope with the trauma.  You may resort to abuse of Alcohol, other substance or pain killers or antidepressants.  It also depends on the previous patterns of abuse or the life style you lead but severe and prolonged stressful situation may worsen it.

The biggest downside for you, the ‘victim’ of MeToo are the relationships.  The trauma of the event can change the way future relationships are formed.  There may be inability to have intimate, specially sexual relationships, fear of being with a person in a closed space and lack of trust in relationships.  This may be sometimes leading to fearfulness of coming close to another partner or the feeling of having become ‘dirty’ or guilt associated with it.  There may be generalization as you start thinking that all men (mostly) may be of similar character. If the trauma has happened early on in life, it may be more difficult to resolve.

The different forms of trauma of a situation as perceived or experienced by you – may not happen to all or in the same severity or duration. The reaction is dependent on the personality, history of childhood trauma or abuse, cultural norms, severity or suddenness of the trauma, relationship with the perpetrator, duration of trauma, expression or lack of expression of trauma, reactions of others around, social support within or outside the organization, availability or lack of a formal structure like Internal Committee to address these issues etc.  If your expression of MeToo is opposed, criticized or given ulterior motives, it may worsen the trauma.

It is also to be remembered that the perpetrator of such behavior may not be a person in power but someone at the same level or even junior who because of gender discrimination may be able to carry out such behavior and the victim may feel trapped due to the system or society which perpetrates such behaviors.

Arti (name changed) came from a broken family with parents being separated.  She was living with her mother and just after graduation she felt it important for her to have a good, regular and well paid job.  She was willing to work hard, give her best and prove herself being better than her brother whose example her mother would give continuously.  She was able to find a job as a supervisor in a garment manufacturing unit and she felt her dream had come true.

She worked almost twelve hour days to prove her worth even overtime and the job got regularized.  She was not comfortable about the quality assurance manager who would usually come by around late evening, start drinking alcohol in his room and then call her about work.  He did not do or say anything objectionable during this period. However, he slowly started sharing about his family life which according to him was miserable and she saw a lot of parallels in his life and that of her own parents.

She slowly started getting involved in giving him personal advice and he would also help her about her work. One day, late evening he came close, hugged and kissed her.  She was very uncomfortable as she felt she would be instrumental in breaking his marriage and anyway during childhood she had seen many fights between her parents followed by forced sex.   However, she was not able to say anything but felt violated.

She could not sleep well at night and had many nightmares including dreams from her childhood memories.  She started fearing evenings and their outcome and anticipated terrible things to happen.  A few days later, while being under influence of Alcohol when other workers left, he tried to grab her and force himself upon her.  She was not able to react but was able to get away from there soon.  She was not able to share it with anyone in the factory or her mother or any friend.

She felt violated and ‘being dirty’.  She started losing sleep and weight and would often sit up with cold sweat from sleep.  He did not talk to her about this incident and acted normally.  She was petrified when evenings would come and specially if the number of people in the factory reduced or she felt alone. The image of the incident continued to haunt her mind.  She would feel same sense of fear when she was alone with another male also.  She could not leave the job due to economic reasons but started making mistakes.  She was asked by the owner to explain and it took a lot of courage to tell her story.  The boss refused to believe as the manager was very senior and working there for long.  She was also asked why did not report the incident immediately.

Arti had to leave the job after a short period although she found another job soon.  However, the traumatic sequence keeps going on in her mind and had been affecting her work, relationships with people, specially males and had been given to continuous crying with feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness and hopelessness for the future.  She started seeing a therapist who was able to help her resolve some of the issues, start focusing on work and to realize that all men may not be the same.

It is seen that many of those who may have gone through a trauma of MeToo kind may not be able to come out of it completely.  Sometimes, those who are not able to put it behind may have the impact in terms of guilt, shame, depression, anger and aggression towards a person, place, organization or society at large.  However, many others are able to move on, find people/organizations/support that are able to heal the trauma or at least help to put it behind them.

Those who may have resolved, buried or moved on beyond their trauma may sometimes have rekindling of it, either when they have another trauma or hear of another real life story or through the media.

The ‘Relived Trauma’ refers to the reliving of the experience including emotions whenever the memory may be evoked by listening to the narrative or story of a person who may have gone through a similar trauma.  The social media or media at large and specially repeated images or captions can precipitate such trauma. It may happen even in persons who have gone through it and may have resolved it to some extent.  The relived experience may due to the heightened traumatic memory and feels as if the experience happened yesterday.  However, there are changes that happen in recall or the final details or the context in which it may have happened.  You may keep going through the trauma in your mind in many different ways.

The hallmark of ‘MeToo Relived Trauma’ is the freshness of the traumatic event, additional emotional disturbance that you may have faced over time, real or perceived insensitivity and injustice by all those around including family, work place and society. Sometimes, the trauma is much more if you are facing stresses in other areas of life or if you have suffered social boycott, denial of work, legal complications or physical/sexual abuse at the time of trauma.

Sandhya (name changed) came from a small town but wanted to dram big.  She was smart and well read.  She was able to soon get placement in a media-house as a reporter.  She soon realized that being in a creative work, she has to be in synch with latest trends and she started accompanying another senior male colleague for stories for the office.  The timings were erratic and tiring but very satisfying.  She was also getting a lot of appreciation from him and her stories were getting exposure like never before. She was on a high of work.

She can’t forget the day she became uncomfortable by his proximity while coming back from an assignment in the night, he touched her in the car and tried to grope.  She tried to move away as she could not shout because others were around.  This pattern started happening frequently.  When she spoke to him, he said it could be accidental and she is imagining things!  It continued for many days and her attempts to get other assignments failed as according to the organization, they were doing great work together!

Sandhya was going through hell internally.  She was doing very well in profession and yet the monster of being invaded by someone she respected was eating her from inside.  She continued to have anxiety, sleep disturbances, feeling ‘dirty’, lack of trust in men and humanity.  She couldn’t focus on work and after sometime, got out of the organization to a less prestigious one but without everyday stress of seeing that colleague or feeling helpless.

Sandhya was over time able to tell herself, ‘it happens to everyone and I am not at fault’.  She was able to slowly came to terms with it and also met male colleagues who respected her for her work, would keep their distance and she also was very careful of proximity of male colleagues.  She had relationships also which were with her consent and was able to integrate the experience as her past till one day, it got relived.

Sandhya was watching a Television interview with another person who was sharing her experience of MeToo and how she felt an emotional trauma subsequently.  It was as if an emotional file of Sandhya’s past opened up and same night onwards, the situations, the feelings and the trauma started ‘reliving’ in her mind.  She would stay awake at night as waves of these memories would flood her and it went on for a few days.  She stopped watching similar content and reminded herself that it was over, she had no roles to play in it, she was a different person now and that whatever the past, she could have a peaceful present and future.

For anyone like Sandhya, if trauma of a ‘relived experience’ is too traumatic, it needs healing first.  The strength one gains may also help others who may be going through ‘relived trauma’.  The media too can play a proactive role of not sensationalizing such content and prevent rekindling of trauma.

The extent to which these MeToo situations happen within or outside work place, between those who are working together or even within the society needs healing. The extent to which millions may be living through trauma of a lifetime needs a healing touch.  It is not only necessary for the huge emotional burden to the individual or others around but also to prevent women dropping out of work, economic loss, loss of self-esteem and burden of physical or mental distress or illness.

There are many strategies that individuals can apply for themselves, others around them, within a family or friend circle who may be undergoing or having undergone such a trauma and also institutions/work places as well as law enforcement and the society at large.  The incidents, victims or perpetrators may be gender neutral.  The healing also can be offered by anyone, of any sex in whatever position keeping certain basic principles of healing techniques and counseling in mind.